Not all feedback is created equal

A lot of companies pride themselves in soliciting a continuous stream of feedback from team members. We’ve all seen post after post about the importance of employee engagement surveys. But let’s be honest: not all feedback is created equal, and not all feedback is helpful.

That might sound controversial, but it’s something I’ve come to believe strongly, especially after discovering Cy Wakeman’s Reality-Based Leadership philosophy. It’s a game changer for anyone who’s tired of the drama, the venting, and the endless cycles of “collaboration” or surveys that lead nowhere.

Here’s one of the core ideas that stuck with me: feedback from high-accountability people carries more weight.

Not all feedback deserves equal airtime

Giving all team members forums and opportunities to voice their opinion is absolutely crucial, so I’m not saying we ignore people. However, it may be time to stop putting every opinion on the same level when it comes to making decisions. There’s a big difference between feedback from someone who takes ownership, works through challenges, and stays focused on solutions versus someone who blames, deflects, and resists change.

If someone consistently shows up as a problem-solver and truth-teller, we absolutely want to hear what they think. If someone just wants to vent without taking action, that feedback is more noise that is much less actionable – or should be acted on. So when feedback comes from a high-accountability person, we should lean in. When it’s coming from someone who’s not taking ownership themselves, we need to view it through a different lens. Not to dismiss it, but to weigh it appropriately.

Venting isn’t healthy, but contagious

We’ve heard this take on venting many times: people “just need to get it out.” But most of the time, venting isn’t releasing energy. It’s actually counterproductive and spreading negativity to others, while augmenting your own. (Check out my post about it in a previous post, which you can check out here)

Venting reinforces the idea that our circumstances are more powerful than we are. That we’re victims of bad leadership, annoying teammates, or unfair systems. But what if, instead, we need to ask questions such as “What role did I play in this?”, “What can I do differently next time?”, “What do I know for sure?”, “How can I help?”

High-accountability people tend to vent less and reflect more. Their feedback usually comes with awareness and ideas for action. That’s the kind of input we value most, because it’s grounded in ownership, not offloading.

Be helpful, not judgy

Reality-Based Leadership reminds us that judgment adds nothing but curiosity and support can change everything. If a teammate is struggling, gossiping about their attitude helps no one. But asking, “How can I help you get back on track?” opens a door.

I try (and, admittedly, don’t always succeed) to be less reactive, and more curious. Less certain, more supportive. It’s amazing what shifts when you lead from that space, but it takes work. 

And guess who tends to offer that kind of feedback? People who own their impact. High-accountability people. Again, their voice should carry more weight.

Assumptions fuel drama, while questions dismantle it

We’re all wired to make up stories. We fill in the gaps with narratives based on what we would do or how we see the world. But assumptions can often be a fast track to conflict.

When in doubt, ask more questions. “Can you help me understand?” goes a lot further than “Why did you do that?” Drama thrives on assumptions, so we need to use clarity as a way to squash it.

What’s just as powerful as redirecting your own instinct is helping others do the same. Assuming good intentions and focusing on what you know for sure will be empowering for you, but also invaluable to others who you help along the way. 

High-accountability people question assumptions and seek clarity. That makes their feedback more trustworthy and actionable, because it’s grounded in curiosity and honesty, not assumptions and blame.

Focus on what you can control

This one’s simple, but not easy. You can’t control how others lead. You can’t control policies, platforms, your competitors, the economy, or personalities. You can control how you respond, how you show up, and how you hold yourself accountable.

When you live in that space, your energy changes. You go from frustrated to focused and from helpless to impactful.

High-accountability feedback always includes an element of self-awareness:
“I could’ve communicated this better, but I noticed that…”
“I see this challenge, and here’s an idea to address it…”

That kind of feedback is rare and incredibly valuable, and that’s why we should weigh it more heavily.

We all want cultures of accountability, clarity, and trust. But we don’t get there by treating every opinion the same, or by indulging in endless venting sessions. Instead, we get there by showing up with ownership, curiosity, and a clear understanding of what we can control and letting go of what we can’t.

So no, I don’t look at every piece of feedback equally. I pay more attention to those who lead with accountability. Because that’s the kind of culture we want to build.

What about you? Do you take everyone’s feedback equally into account?