leadership | lead up

Not all feedback is created equal

A lot of companies pride themselves in soliciting a continuous stream of feedback from team members. We’ve all seen post after post about the importance of employee engagement surveys. But let’s be honest: not all feedback is created equal, and not all feedback is helpful.

That might sound controversial, but it’s something I’ve come to believe strongly, especially after discovering Cy Wakeman’s Reality-Based Leadership philosophy. It’s a game changer for anyone who’s tired of the drama, the venting, and the endless cycles of “collaboration” or surveys that lead nowhere.

Here’s one of the core ideas that stuck with me: feedback from high-accountability people carries more weight.

Not all feedback deserves equal airtime

Giving all team members forums and opportunities to voice their opinion is absolutely crucial, so I’m not saying we ignore people. However, it may be time to stop putting every opinion on the same level when it comes to making decisions. There’s a big difference between feedback from someone who takes ownership, works through challenges, and stays focused on solutions versus someone who blames, deflects, and resists change.

If someone consistently shows up as a problem-solver and truth-teller, we absolutely want to hear what they think. If someone just wants to vent without taking action, that feedback is more noise that is much less actionable – or should be acted on. So when feedback comes from a high-accountability person, we should lean in. When it’s coming from someone who’s not taking ownership themselves, we need to view it through a different lens. Not to dismiss it, but to weigh it appropriately.

Venting isn’t healthy, but contagious

We’ve heard this take on venting many times: people “just need to get it out.” But most of the time, venting isn’t releasing energy. It’s actually counterproductive and spreading negativity to others, while augmenting your own. (Check out my post about it in a previous post, which you can check out here)

Venting reinforces the idea that our circumstances are more powerful than we are. That we’re victims of bad leadership, annoying teammates, or unfair systems. But what if, instead, we need to ask questions such as “What role did I play in this?”, “What can I do differently next time?”, “What do I know for sure?”, “How can I help?”

High-accountability people tend to vent less and reflect more. Their feedback usually comes with awareness and ideas for action. That’s the kind of input we value most, because it’s grounded in ownership, not offloading.

Be helpful, not judgy

Reality-Based Leadership reminds us that judgment adds nothing but curiosity and support can change everything. If a teammate is struggling, gossiping about their attitude helps no one. But asking, “How can I help you get back on track?” opens a door.

I try (and, admittedly, don’t always succeed) to be less reactive, and more curious. Less certain, more supportive. It’s amazing what shifts when you lead from that space, but it takes work.

And guess who tends to offer that kind of feedback? People who own their impact. High-accountability people. Again, their voice should carry more weight.

Assumptions fuel drama, while questions dismantle it

We’re all wired to make up stories. We fill in the gaps with narratives based on what we would do or how we see the world. But assumptions can often be a fast track to conflict.

When in doubt, ask more questions. “Can you help me understand?” goes a lot further than “Why did you do that?” Drama thrives on assumptions, so we need to use clarity as a way to squash it.

What’s just as powerful as redirecting your own instinct is helping others do the same. Assuming good intentions and focusing on what you know for sure will be empowering for you, but also invaluable to others who you help along the way.

High-accountability people question assumptions and seek clarity. That makes their feedback more trustworthy and actionable, because it’s grounded in curiosity and honesty, not assumptions and blame.

Focus on what you can control

This one’s simple, but not easy. You can’t control how others lead. You can’t control policies, platforms, your competitors, the economy, or personalities. You can control how you respond, how you show up, and how you hold yourself accountable.

When you live in that space, your energy changes. You go from frustrated to focused and from helpless to impactful.

High-accountability feedback always includes an element of self-awareness:
“I could’ve communicated this better, but I noticed that…”
“I see this challenge, and here’s an idea to address it…”

That kind of feedback is rare and incredibly valuable, and that’s why we should weigh it more heavily.

We all want cultures of accountability, clarity, and trust. But we don’t get there by treating every opinion the same, or by indulging in endless venting sessions. Instead, we get there by showing up with ownership, curiosity, and a clear understanding of what we can control and letting go of what we can’t.

So no, I don’t look at every piece of feedback equally. I pay more attention to those who lead with accountability. Because that’s the kind of culture we want to build.

What about you? Do you take everyone’s feedback equally into account?

Why Leah Williamson Is the Leader Every Team Deserves

I’ve been a massive soccer fan all my life, and have always wanted to do a leadership spotlight in the world of soccer. Leah Williamson was an easy choice, as there are many lessons to be learned from her leadership approach, even for seasoned leaders, and certainly for me.

Leadership isn’t always about being the loudest voice in the room. Sometimes, it’s about thoughtful action, quiet confidence, and a deep sense of purpose. Leah Williamson, captain of the England women’s national team and a cornerstone for Arsenal, where she’s played since she was a kid, shows what modern leadership truly looks like. Her influence extends far beyond the football pitch, offering a powerful lesson in leading with intelligence, empathy, and authenticity.

Leads through intelligence, not impulse

Williamson’s leadership begins with the way she plays. As a defender, her greatest strength is her ability to read the game. She anticipates attacking moves before they happen, positioning herself and organizing her teammates to neutralize threats with calm efficiency. You won’t often see her making desperate, last-ditch tackles because her football intelligence means she’s usually already a step ahead. Although you can count on her to be your last line of defense any time.

This composure under pressure is a hallmark of her captaincy. She leads with a steady hand, providing a sense of control and stability that resonates throughout the team. Yet, when the moment requires decisive action, she has the courage and skill to step in. This blend of calm anticipation and assertive action defines her on-field presence.

Elevates everyone around her

A great leader makes others shine brighter. Williamson consistently elevates her teammates through clear communication, constant encouragement, and leading by example. Players often speak of the confidence she instills in them, creating a secure and organized backline where everyone feels empowered to perform at their best.

This supportive leadership was instrumental during England’s historic Euro 2022 victory. Thrust into the captaincy just months before the tournament, she fostered a resilient and united squad. Her focus was never on her own performance but on building a collective strength that could withstand the pressure of a major final. This year, Williamson made history again by leading England to their second consecutive Euros win, a first for the team and a testament to her exceptional ability to inspire and unite those around her.

Champions the team over self

Humility is a rare but powerful leadership trait. After lifting the Euro 2022 trophy, Williamson immediately shifted the focus to her teammates, the coaching staff, and the fans. Her words highlighted the shared effort and belief that brought the team to victory. For her, the captain’s armband is not a symbol of status but a responsibility to serve the group. This team-first mentality builds trust and creates a culture where every member feels valued.

Uses her platform for good

Off the pitch, Leah Williamson is a dedicated advocate for causes she believes in. She uses her influential platform to speak out on gender equality in sport, mental health awareness, and the importance of inclusivity. She approaches these complex conversations with the same thoughtfulness and conviction she brings to the game.

She speaks not as a celebrity seeking attention, but as a person committed to making a positive impact. Her willingness to be vulnerable and authentic makes her advocacy powerful and relatable, inspiring a new generation of athletes and fans to stand up for what is right.

Proves introverts can lead powerfully

Leah Williamson is living proof that you don’t need to be extroverted to be an outstanding leader. She is often described as quiet and thoughtful (“I’m not very social,” she once said about herself), preferring to listen and observe before stepping in. Yet, this reflective approach allows her to connect deeply with her teammates and understand what the group needs.

Leah recognizes the importance of genuine connection, even in the smallest moments. For example, she started drinking tea simply to spend more time with her teammates, using those shared breaks to build trust and camaraderie. Her willingness to step outside her comfort zone for the good of the group shows true adaptability and emotional intelligence. Through these everyday acts, Leah demonstrates that leadership is about creating bonds and making others feel seen. Sometimes, a cup of tea and a listening ear can be just as powerful as a rousing speech.

She is also known for being exceptionally well spoken and well mannered, traits that shine through in press conferences. Leah consistently greets each reporter who asks her a question and always thanks them after she responds. These small gestures reflect her respect for others and highlight yet another way she leads through kindness, humility, and professionalism.

What makes Leah even more relatable and authentic as a leader is her willingness to laugh at herself and openly admit her own quirks and weaknesses. She’s not afraid to share that she’s actually terrible at riding a bike or that she only eats plain foods, lighthearted confessions that endear her to fans and teammates alike. By being open about these little things, she breaks down barriers and shows that you don’t have to be flawless or larger-than-life to be respected. This self-deprecating humor and honesty make her approachable and reinforce the trust she builds within her teams.

Understands the value of balance

While Leah gives absolutely everything on the pitch, as evidenced by the many injuries she’s battled throughout her career, she also recognizes the importance of being well-rounded beyond football. Off the field, she’s found meaningful ways to recharge and grow. Leah is an accomplished children’s book author, sharing stories that inspire young readers. During the COVID lockdowns, she took on an entirely new challenge: learning to play the piano. Her dedication paid off in a truly remarkable way, leading to a performance with the BBC Concert Orchestra. These pursuits show that, even for someone at the height of their sport, cultivating interests outside of football is vital. Leah’s commitment to growth, both as an athlete and as a person, sets a powerful example for anyone striving to be their best self.

Redefines modern leadership

Leah Williamson represents a new model of leadership, one that values empathy over ego and intelligence over intimidation. She proves that quiet confidence, thoughtful action, and a genuine connection with others are incredibly powerful tools. Her style is a masterclass in leading with heart and purpose, demonstrating that true strength lies in authenticity.

Her influence reminds us that leadership is not about command, but about inspiration. By leading with her values, Williamson doesn’t just guide her team to victory. She shows us all a better way to lead.

What about you? Which athlete’s leadership style do you admire and learn from?

Speaking up: How to share feedback with leadership thoughtfully and effectively

For most of us, giving feedback “up the chain” can feel intimidating. Whether it’s your team lead, your VP, or the CEO, it’s easy to second-guess yourself: “Is this worth bringing up?”,“What if I sound like I’m complaining?”, “Will this actually change anything?”

I venture to say that most leaders want and appreciate your feedback not because it’s always easy to hear, but because they know they can’t fix what they don’t know. And when delivered thoughtfully and with care, your feedback becomes a powerful tool for driving improvement and creating a better workplace for everyone.

Here are some tips from personal experience to help you speak up effectively and constructively.

Start with the intent, not the gripe

Get clear on your reason why you’re giving constructive feedback. Are you trying to improve a process? Make communication clearer? Prevent customer churn? Framing your feedback as a desire to make things better, rather than just airing frustration or venting, makes it far more actionable and easier to receive.

Instead of “These meetings are a waste of time”, try: “Maybe we could tighten up the agenda and finish with clear next steps, so our meetings feel more productive and energizing.”

Perhaps instead of “People don’t pull their weight on projects,” you could say: “I think we could be even more effective if we set clearer expectations and ownership for each project phase upfront.”

Or instead of “Why are you letting this person get away with…”, consider “I’m concerned that when expectations aren’t consistently reinforced, it can create confusion or frustration for the rest of the team. Can we talk about how we want to handle situations like this?”

Be as specific as possible

Vague feedback like “we need better communication” leaves leaders guessing. It’s best to give real-world examples and describe the impact. Specifics make it easier to understand the issue and start solving it.

Here’s an example: “During the last launch, a lot of us didn’t know about the changes until clients started asking questions. A heads-up would have helped us feel more prepared and confident.”

Offer a suggestion for finding a path forward

Personally, I don’t like the phrase “Don’t come to me with problems, come with solutions.” You need to be able to voice a concern without having a perfect solution figured out. That said, even a basic suggestion shows that you’ve thought about the issue in good faith, and it invites a collaborative response.

Example: “Could we do a five-minute rundown of key initiatives during team meetings so we stay aligned?”

Even something as simple as, “Would you be open to brainstorming solutions together?” keeps the door open.

Speak for yourself, not for a group

When giving feedback, it’s often tempting to strengthen your position by saying something like,
“Everyone feels this way” or “A lot of people are frustrated.” Sure, it probably feels safer, because it implies that you’re not the only one with a particular concern, and you may think that it will make your point more compelling. But it can also backfire. Saying ‘everyone’ can make leaders feel attacked and put them on the defensive, which can shut down the conversation before it even starts. Consider owning your perspective with confidence, and use language like “I’ve noticed’, “From my experience”, or “Something I’ve been concerned about lately”.

This approach helps keep the conversation grounded in your firsthand experience and invites dialog rather than a dynamic of defending against “everyone”. It also tends to feel more genuine and can even encourage others who feel the same to add their voices without pressure.

A quick example would be going from “everyone thinks this new process is a disaster” to “I’ve found this new process a bit challenging because…I’d love to brainstorm some ideas to make it smoother”. Big difference!

Pick the right time and channel

Context matters. Some feedback is best shared face-to-face, while other points can be captured clearly in writing. Don’t bury important feedback in a quick chat message that could get lost, especially when leaders are often juggling hundreds of messages and carving out heads-down time for high-priority work.

If the feedback is significant, ask for time directly and be clear about your intent, like “There’s something I’d love to talk through with you. Do you have a few minutes this week?”

For less urgent feedback, asynchronous options like Slack, internal surveys, or feedback forms can work well, as long as you make sure the message is easy to spot and digest.

Assume positive intent

Not every decision will go your way. No leader will get it right 100% of the time . And sometimes, they simply can’t share all of the information with you. My recommendation is to focus on what you know for sure, and try not to speculate.

Starting from a place of curiosity rather than confrontation helps keep the conversation productive and collaborative.

Thoughtful feedback creates clarity, uncovers blind spots, and helps foster better and more effective working relationships. If you care about your company and your team, speaking up with respect and purpose is one of the most valuable things you can do, because it helps everyone.

Giving feedback to leadership doesn’t have to be intimidating. When you focus on intent, specificity, and collaboration, you turn feedback into a tool for growth for yourself, your leaders, and your organization.

What about you? What are your tips on how to give feedback to leadership?

Thank you for your (current) shortcomings, AI

AI dominates today’s business conversations. Companies are pouring billions into tools that write, analyze, and automate. But the leaders who thrive aren’t those who blindly outsource to machines. They’re the ones who recognize AI’s limits and lean into the distinctly human strengths that technology can’t touch, at least not yet.

As leadership expert Cy Wakeman reminds us, “Your circumstances aren’t the reason you can’t succeed. They’re the reality in which you must succeed.” AI isn’t the obstacle. It’s the reality. Your edge as a leader comes from doubling down on what AI can’t do.

1. Context over data

AI is fantastic at processing information, but it doesn’t live in your organization. It can’t read the silence in a tense meeting, recall the project that failed (but succeeded to traumatize your team members) two years ago, or understand that one employee’s informal influence outweighs their job title.

Satya Nadella has described AI as a “copilot, not an autopilot.” That distinction matters. Leaders who know their company’s culture, history, and unwritten rules can make calls no algorithm could ever justify in a spreadsheet.

2. Inspiration instead of automation

AI can generate motivational text on command. But true inspiration isn’t written. It’s experienced. It comes from leaders who rally a team through uncertainty, or who celebrate a small breakthrough that carries months of weight.

Empathy requires sensing what’s said and what’s left unsaid. It means taking a struggling employee out for coffee, or lowering the temperature in a tense room. Those moments build culture and commitment. As Wakeman teaches, great leaders skip the drama and connect people back to reality and purpose.

3. Values-based judgment

AI will show you probabilities. It won’t show you principles. Leaders make decisions where the “optimal” answer isn’t the right one, where cutting costs might please the board but result in burnout on your team.

Google’s Sundar Pichai has called AI “more profound than fire or electricity.” If that’s true, then leaders need to be the firebreak: using judgment, ethics, and values to ensure the power of AI serves people, not the other way around.

4. Trust through humanity

Trust doesn’t live in dashboards or reports. It grows in hallway conversations, after hours crisis calls, and moments where leaders admit they don’t have the answer.

Consistency, vulnerability, and care build psychological safety. Can this be automated? Not now, at least. AI can give your team information faster, but only you can make them feel safe enough to share the truth.

5. Vision beyond the data

AI predicts the future by analyzing the past. But breakthrough innovation requires imagination. Leaders must see possibilities no dataset can show. Think of the iPhone before the iPhone, or the electric car before it was mainstream.

In Contact, when scientist Ellie Arroway witnesses a cosmic spectacle too beautiful for words, she says: “They should have sent a poet.” Even with all our technology, some things require human awe, artistry, and vision. (Fittingly, OpenAI is currently hiring poets: it turns out machines still need us to make sense of wonder.)

The leadership advantage

Understanding AI’s limits reveals where leaders should focus: contextual intelligence, emotional intelligence, values, trust, and vision. AI offers speed and scale, while humans offer meaning and direction.

Organizations that integrate both (using AI as a copilot while leaders lean into uniquely human strengths) will outperform those that rely too heavily on either side alone. The gift isn’t what AI can do. The gift is what it can’t, and the space it leaves for leaders to show up more fully human.

What about you? Which shortcomings of AI do you see not as flaws, but as your opportunity to lead differently?

7 pitfalls of Slack (and similar tools)

Slack and similar messaging platforms, like Teams and Mattermost, promised frictionless communication, faster collaboration, and a reprieve from endless email chains. And to be fair, they’ve delivered, but not without their own set of challenges. These communication platforms can just as easily cause dysfunction as they can drive productivity. Here are some common pitfalls.

1. Expectations of always being on

The problem:
Real-time chat fosters the illusion that everyone should be instantly reachable. That constant hum of notifications creates low-level anxiety and can kill deep focus.

Example scenario:
Jasmine is a UX designer who starts working at 8:00 AM and wraps up by 5:00 PM. But her manager often messages her at 9:30 PM with “quick ideas.” Even though Jasmine doesn’t have to respond, she feels pressure to and it’s wearing her down.

Mitigation:
Normalize using Slack’s “Do Not Disturb” feature. Set team guidelines like “no messages after 6 unless urgent” and encourage scheduling messages with tools like Slack’s built-in delay feature. Confession: I spend way too much time on my laptop, and often respond to messages outside of regular hours. I’m even guilty of posting outside of those hours. However, there is no expectation that I expect a response at those times. (Note to self: I need to remind my team of this).

2. Important info gets buried

The problem:
Slack can’t distinguish between what’s urgent and what’s just active. Critical updates often disappear under a pile of less important chatter.

Example Scenario:
The engineering team shares a Slack message in #product-news:
“API v1.2 will be deprecated in 30 days. All third-party integrations need to migrate to v2.0.”
Within a day, the message is swallowed by a stream of stand-up check-ins and demo GIFs. A partner success manager never sees the post and doesn’t notify a key enterprise customer, resulting in broken integrations and an angry escalation.

Mitigation:
Use tools like Slack’s “Highlight Words” feature to alert people to terms like “deprecation,” “urgent,” or “migration.” Better yet, integrate Slack with your CRM or ticketing system to automate critical alerts to the right people since you should not rely on a single Slack message as your system of record.

How to set up Highlight Words, click your profile picture in the top right of Slack and select Preferences -> Notifications. Scroll down to My keywords and enter the words you want to track, separated by commas.

3. Slack becomes the default

The Problem:
Slack messages can easily be misread or misinterpreted, since you don’t see someone’s facial expression or hear their tone. Plus, they’re often very short.

Example scenario:
After a tense customer call, the customer success manager starts a thread criticizing the product team’s recent release. The product lead replies defensively. Within minutes, the conversation derails and now it’s visible to the majority of the company.

Mitigation:
Create clear guidance: feedback and conflict resolution should happen in 1:1 video chats or designated retrospectives. Use Slack for transparency, not tension.

4. It erodes focus

The problem:
Notifications and context-switching fragment focus, leaving team members busy but not productive.

Example scenario:
Daniel blocks off 9–11 AM for deep work on a strategy deck. But he gets pinged 8 times in 30 minutes with questions, requests, and check-ins. He never hits flow state and ends up working late to finish the deck.

Mitigation:
Support “focus hours.” Encourage team members to pause notifications, mute non-critical channels, and respect scheduled work blocks. Deep work should be protected, not penalized. I struggle with this often, as I have to resist the urge to respond, especially when someone pings me directly. When you feel like you can only be productive outside of work hours, it’s a problem that needs to be addressed.

5. Channel chaos

The problem:
When there are too many channels or unclear norms and naming conventions, people don’t know where to find or post what.

Example scenario:
Three team members post updates about the same client in #client-discussion, #sales-wins, and #random-client-notes. No one sees the full story, and someone accidentally duplicates work already done.

Mitigation:
Audit and consolidate your channels. Create clear naming conventions like #client-[name], #proj-[initiative]), #success-help-and-feedback. Make a simple channel guide part of onboarding.

6. Unconscious exclusion

The problem:
Fast-paced Slack culture can exclude people who aren’t always online, aren’t native English speakers, or need more time to process and respond.

Example scenario:
During a fast-moving brainstorm in Slack, the extroverts dominate with rapid-fire messages. Maria, a thoughtful team member who prefers time to think before weighing in, ends up not contributing, even though she had a great idea the next morning.

Mitigation:
Encourage async participation. After a brainstorm, ask for additional input later in the day. Use threads and “summary” messages to recap discussions for those in other time zones or working styles.

7. The “reply reflex”

The problem:
In many Slack cultures, people feel pressure to acknowledge or respond to every message , even when the message is clearly just an FYI. What should be a quick, high-signal update turns into a noisy thread filled with tangents, opinions, and questions that don’t need to be answered.

Example scenario:
A marketer posts in #company-updates:
“FYI, the user conference microsite just went live! Feel free to share the link with customers. No reply needed.”

Within minutes, the thread fills up:

“Wow, I can’t believe it’s that time again already.”
“Looks awesome!”
“Does the pink color match the one on our main site?”
“The banner image looks a bit blurry.”
“What are we doing for SEO?”

What was meant to be a simple status update now feels like a kickoff meeting and creates extra noise for teams that aren’t even involved.

Mitigation:
Normalize the idea that not every update needs a response. Use “No reply needed” or “NRN” explicitly for FYIs. Encourage emoji reactions for lightweight acknowledgment. And when someone does need feedback or input, make that ask intentional and clear. Otherwise, help your team practice restraint and focus.

As powerful as Slack and other tools can be, they can also influence your culture in detrimental ways. Be mindful, and continue to establish ground rules and expectations.

What about you? Which pitfalls have you experienced first hand and what helped you overcome them?